I will be the first to admit that I have selective hearing.\u00a0 It is a survival tactic that everyone has to some degree or another.\u00a0\u00a0 Think about it \u2013 all the people around you \u2013 each going about their lives and talking \u2013 all that chatter soon fades into a buzzing drone of background noise, not unlike the muzak that is played in the thousands of stores across the country.\u00a0 You never notice the music\u2019s presence unless the song that they are playing is incredibly annoying. Ditto with your fellow human beings.<\/p>\n
My selective hearing is always \u201con\u201d when I run rehearsals \u2013 which surprises many people.\u00a0 After all \u2013 a group of people working together and you are in charge of blending their skills.\u00a0 Think about it from my side. \u00a0You\u2019re in charge of twenty or more people.\u00a0 Each one of these people has a different opinion on what we are doing and what we should be working on.\u00a0 Each one of them wants to be heard.\u00a0 Each one of them wants to be acknowledged for their contribution.\u00a0 Add to the mix, a director with their own opinions (which are important cause they are paying you), the administrative team\u2019s problems and the technical staff\u2019s issues and that\u2019s a lot of people talking.\u00a0 I learned long ago that if you listened to everyone and tried to please everyone \u2013 you\u2019d slowly begin to loose your mind.\u00a0 Solution?\u00a0 Only listen to those whose opinions count with you.\u00a0 Now you can\u2019t just go up to the others and say, \u201cYour opinion doesn\u2019t count so don\u2019t talk to me.\u201d\u00a0 Although I have walked into a rehearsal or a classroom and banned the entire group from either A: asking any questions, or B: using my name (Debbie this, and Debbie that, over and over).\u00a0 Most of the time, for the peace of the group, it\u2019s better to come up with some acknowledgement to the people that you are not listening to.\u00a0 I nod my head and mutter \u201cUh huh, uh huh.\u201d\u00a0 The person that is talking at me feels that I am listening, I\u2019m understanding what they are telling me and best of all \u2013 that I am agreeing with them.\u00a0 They are pleased – they go away and I can continue working.\u00a0 It works.<\/p>\n
I also have selective hearing when I\u2019m focusing on dancers.\u00a0 Yes \u2013 I can walk and talk at the same time but let me be clear in this world of multitasking \u2013 I cannot focus on what you are saying to me and focus on someone else at the same time.\u00a0 Not 100% and that\u2019s why I\u2019m good at what I do \u2013 I focus 100%.\u00a0 Talk to me later, talk to me after I have finished my job.\u00a0 If I say \u201cUh huh\u201d to you \u2013 it means I\u2019m not listening.\u00a0\u00a0 Come back later when we both have time.<\/p>\n
One day in the middle of rehearsal, Cecilia came up to me and said, \u201cI just took a bottle of sleeping pills so I\u2019m going to go home to go to sleep.\u201d\u00a0 I nodded and said, \u201cUh huh.\u201d\u00a0 Cecilia left.\u00a0 Five minutes later I stopped in the middle of what I was doing.\u00a0 I blinked in confusion.\u00a0 What Cecilia had told me had just now entered my conscious brain.\u00a0 Did I hear her right?\u00a0 Was I imagining things?\u00a0 \u201cWhere\u2019s Cecilia?\u201d I asked one of the dancers.\u00a0 \u201cShe said she was going home,\u201d she replied.\u00a0 \u201cOh my god!\u201d I exclaimed running out of the rehearsal hall, \u201cShe\u2019s taken an overdose of sleeping pills.\u00a0 We have to find her.\u201d\u00a0 To make a long story short \u2013 Cecilia had not taken an overdose of sleeping pills but she was beginning a long period of threatened suicide attempts.\u00a0 Cecilia\u2019s life had not been an easy one.\u00a0 She had been a fabulous and powerful dancer at one time.\u00a0 Then she had a serious accident, which left her paralyzed, and in a hospital for a year, attached to one of those flipping beds which immobilize the body.\u00a0 Her back did heal but never to the point where she could dance at the same level that she had once achieved.\u00a0 To make matters worse, her husband left her during her hospitalization period.\u00a0 Cecilia was still a good dancer but she had her good days and she had many more bad days when movement was painful.\u00a0 Now her life centered around teaching, being unable to keep up with the rigors of continual training and performing.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t let go of the past.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t accept her new life.\u00a0 She wanted to kill herself and end her misery.<\/p>\n
Now that Cecilia had gotten my attention, my hearing was attuned to her suicide threats.\u00a0 Every time she threatened to kill herself, I reacted, dropped everything I was doing at the time and made sure that she didn\u2019t harm herself.\u00a0 After a month, the whole routine was getting tiresome and old.\u00a0 I had reached my breaking point.\u00a0 I called Cecilia into my office and when she sat down, I opened my desk drawer and pulled out a small package of straight edge razors.\u00a0 I put them down on the desk in front of her.\u00a0 \u201cCecilia,\u201d I said to her, \u201cI don\u2019t have time to go chasing after you every time you want to kill yourself.\u00a0 If you really want to do this \u2013 let\u2019s do it now.\u00a0 I promise that I will stay with you and hold you to the end.\u201d\u00a0 Cecilia looked at the razors and then looked at me and burst into tears.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t want to kill herself.\u00a0 She just wanted help.\u00a0 She wanted all the pain of her past to go away.\u00a0 Cecilia\u2019s road to recovery took some time but with the help of a lot of good friends around her (including myself), she began to embrace life again and to appreciate the contribution that she was making in present daytime.\u00a0 An unhappy postscript to this story.\u00a0 Cecilia moved to another city to teach in one of the better dance schools.\u00a0 I visited her and her joy at her new job was evident.\u00a0 She had a bounce in her step and the woman couldn\u2019t stop smiling.\u00a0 Life was finally good.\u00a0 A month later she had another accident.\u00a0 She fell in her bathtub, was knocked unconscious and drown in the tub\u2019s water.\u00a0 Her body was brought back for burial.\u00a0 It was one of the saddest funerals that I have ever attended.\u00a0 She had finally emerged from the darkness only to leave this world before she had the opportunity to experience all of life\u2019s delights.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I will be the first to admit that I have selective hearing. It is a survival tactic that everyone has to some degree or another. Think about it – all the people around you – each going about their lives … Continue reading